I am sucker for Christmas, somehow more and more each year. Growing up in a christian family, it was one of the highlights of the year. Then, as I lost my religion, I lost that sense of meaning and celebration. Yes, I decorated my home, we cooked a great meal, but I did not feel the spirit of christmas. Basically, it was just a day as all other days, just better dressed. Today, it still is just a day as every other day, but with the big difference that nowadays every day is a day infused with the spirit of christmas. This year even more than ever.
Here I am, on Christmas Eve, sitting in my PJ’s, in my candlelit living, laptop in my lap. Last week, I talked about manifesting our dreams, about pulling them into being. When that happens in a way that defies logic, we usually call it a miracle. This week, I want to tell you about my miracle and how it came to be.
Last Monday, my love and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. Every five years, we celebrate in style by going on a city trip. This year, we wanted to include our daughter and booked a 5-day trip to Paris and Disneyland Paris. We decided to surprise our daughter by letting Paris be an activity card in her advent calendar and Disneyland another. I loved the preparations, there just was one thing that bothered me, a lot.
During our summer holiday, while running I made a wrong move and hurt my knee. During the last months, I limped on good days and sat on the couch on bad days. I went to see a physiotherapist, but that did not work, even made things worse. Unsure what to do, I meditated on it and knew in my heart that going to a doctor would alleviate the outward symptoms but not address the underlying issue. I had to ‘fix’ this on a different level.
The more Paris approached, the more difficult it became to believe that I would walk the streets of Paris with the loves of my life. I wanted it so much that my mind contracted. As a result, my knee worsened, which led my mind to contract even more, which worsened my knee. It was a downward spiral. Three weeks before our departure, I limped more than ever and at a certain point wasn’t able to normally climb or descend the stairs anymore, walking to the end of our street was too much and standing for more than five minutes in a row quite painful.
Then one Sunday, less than two weeks before our departure, I broke down. I told my love that I was going to ruin our Paris trip and I didn’t know what to do anymore. He just hugged me and told me that I could not ruin it even if I tried. The three of us being in Paris together would be amazing, and everything else would sort itself out as soon as we got there. Then I mustered the courage to ask two dear friends to help me envision walking the streets of Paris with ease. And later that week, I asked you to imagine me laughing, having fun. You did, and it worked miracles.
That week, I was able to let go of the anticipated guilt and fear of not being able to walk in Paris. I decided to focus on feeling good. The first thing I did was to get my mind off my knee, and off Paris. I watched Mister Bean videos for two hours straight. Feeling better, I decided to just enjoy the season. This is my favorite season of the year, and no knee was going to get between me and the spirit of Christmas. I very consciously worked on feeling better and better. That evening, after a series of tapping (EFT) I was high on love and I envisioned the thing I wanted most, to walk the streets of Paris with ease. In advance, I felt gratitude and appreciation for being in Paris with the two people who are dearest to me and showing my daughter one of the cities that I love most, and the exhilaration of running up the stairs of Montmartre. I let it sweep through me, and made it as real as possible. Then after I was ready tapping, I knew with every fiber of my being that it was done. I just knew it.
The next day, still limping, but relaxed and feeling awesome, I needed to go to the shed to get the christmas tree stand and when I got out of the shed, I tripped over a large bamboo stalk with my limping leg, and I felt a short snap in my knee, it hurt. Stress hormones washed through my body and I started to get angry with myself. At that moment, I was able to stop myself. I dropped everything I was doing and sat in a chair for an undefined amount of time, tapping and releasing stress, until I knew again with absolute certainty that everything is always working out for me, that the Universe is conspiring for me. I let go of needing to know how I would walk the streets of Paris with ease and I accepted the mysterious ways of the Universe. And again, I knew viscerally that all was well. When I got up, the pain was gone, and something in my knee was different. I could not yet fully stretch it, but I could walk more easily and I could even lay it flat without hurting it.
Last weekend, I walked the streets of Paris with ease. I strolled through the Louvre museum, climbed the stairs of Montmartre, stood in line for the Eiffel Tower for well over an hour, walked kilometers to get from metro to metro, And if that wasn’t enough, I stood in line for some awesome attractions in Disneyland Paris. Mind you that one and a half week earlier, I had not been able to walk small distances, let alone climb stairs. Literally awesome.
Over the years, Christmas has regained its meaning, richer and deeper than before. I have learned that the love we celebrate at Christmas cannot be found outside of ourselves. We are it. God is longing to be born through us, not just some of us, but all of us. We are pure potential waiting to be born. This Christmas may you give birth to the miracle that you are. Merry Christmas!