Thy will be done

27 02 2008

Some years ago, I learned that the world as we experience it is colored by our perceptions. Since, I’ve been questioning my world. I questioned my roles in relationships, my beliefs during discussions and I tried to question myself. The latter constantly seemed to elude me. Everytime, I thought I was on to something, it dissipated before my eyes. I came to the conclusion that the mind is conning, it keeps playing tricks on me. Time to do things slightly differently.
On Monday, during lunch, while eating my sandwiches, I knew it was time to let go of me in order to find ME. Like you would empty a glass of water for a refill, I emptied myself of all conceptions I have of myself, so I can be filled again by what the heart knows true.

Until I let go of God, some eight years ago, my life was an ongoing conversation with God. As I let go, I lost my ability to pray. I felt surrounded by divine energy, but did not know how to communicate with it. So I lived by the word of Meister Eckhart. If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.
On Tuesday,  reading Gary Zukav’s Seat of the Soul again, I came across the words Allow yourself to pray. These four words sang in my heart. And as I felt the deep longing to share my life, instantly came the words I wanted to say. Communication restored. I was home, home at last. Connected again.

I truly believe we’re one with the Universe or God, as I still call it. If God were the ocean, we’re all a cup of God. I revel in the opportunity I have today to let my glass be filled with God. I surrender my me to let the Universe’s will be done. To be all I can be, to be ME.

Spring green

24 02 2008

helleboris orientalis

So pure and fresh, only new beginnings tend to be.
This spring, the soul awakens to a renewed me.
Open to my own evolution, this spirit will soar.

A soul’s journey

20 02 2008

At this stage in my life I repeat endlessly the same words to my one-year old daughter. Car, dog, cat… even when we’re driving on the highway, or taking a walk in the parc at dog walking hour. I read the same books, over and over again, imitating all kinds of farm animals (I do the best cock-a-doodle-doo, really). And I don’t mind. Although mothering doesn’t pay, is not highly regarded in today’s society, it is what I do best and what I love most. I admit it’s not all I want to do in this lifetime, but caring for this girl definitely is one of the reasons I’m on this earth.

This week I’m coming to peace with the idea that being me simply means piecing together all the parts that have meaning to me. Accepting  that I attract into my life what I need to address in order to heal the soul. I have learned this lesson intellectually some years ago, but only now its seeds fall into good ground. There are no mistakes, just a zillion ways to be me. 

True love

13 02 2008

My love and I go back a long time. Almost 18 years, more than half of my life. I met him when I was 17 and  I married him at 22. Looking back, I was young and naive, believing this relationship would fix anything that wasn’t working, believing I needed him to make me whole.  As you might imagine, it has not been an easy ride. Many times my illusions were shattered, I felt shattered,  wishing I was alone or with someone else, wishing I had met him at a later time in my life, more mature, more me. 

Looking back, I have developed a different outlook. Being in this relationship, I learn the lessons I need to learn to be me. Over the past years, our relationship has been evolving from a traditional relationship to a more spiritual partnership in which we are getting more and more aware of our roles in nurturing each other’s spiritual growth. He is the one who helps me find my true north, who sees (glimpses of) all I can be, who is always supportive of my true self. And he is the one who can  push all my buttons, pointing me to where I need to look inside, to where I need healing in order to grow. 

I feel truly blessed to have met such an empowering soul mate, with whom I have created such a rich and soulful love.   I am grateful for the opportunity to share this love with the little girl that has been sent our way. I am thankful for the abundant love I receive in this life.

The teachings of a hedgehog

6 02 2008

Whenever I start something new, the first thing I do is read. These last weeks, working on a concept for a business, I read a lot of management bestsellers, including Good to Great by Jim Collins. In this book I found a proven model for creating a business, called the Hedgehog Concept. It is inspired by the tale of the hedgehog and the fox, in which the fox attempts daily to catch the hedgehog, and the hedgehog continuously out smartens him doing what he does best in the world, rolling up to an invincible ball of spikes. The Hedgehog Concept consists of three circles that interlink in the middle. Each circle represents an essential ingredient to your success. What you are passionate about. What you could potentially do best in the world. And your economic denominator. Where these key ingredients meet lies your unique greatness.

So there I was trying to fit my ideas into this model, and it simply did not work. It was clear this malfunction had nothing to do with the model and everything with my preconceived ideas about what I wanted to do for a living. Yet, I was not willing to let them go. So, I asked my husband, ‘What would you say I’m passionate about?’ It was a difficult question, as I love so many things. A day later, he reported back, ‘Creation, design’. That same day, I had been chewing on a similar question, ’What makes me really happy?’ Colors, flowers, creating, were my answers. Ok, you might say, great! One down, two to go. Well, actually it was two down, one to go, as I automatically knew what I could potentially be best in the world at. But I was feeling everything but great. I felt downright horrible. There was so much resistance inside of me. How could painting flowers make the world a better place, how would it help people in need?  How does it give meaning? And on a more mundane level, how would I ever make a living? I would be playing around, not working. I could not wrap my mind around these apparent dualities. Yet, this yearning to create is not new, it has been there forever, always pushed aside by more egodriven desires, like having a ‘real’ career, the need to fit in and to have a meaningful life.  

Late this afternoon, quietude returned to my life as I saw the Light. I believe there is a purpose to every life, finding it gives meaning not only to the evolution of a single soul but to the evolution of our species. You can find clues throughout your life, in your talents and preferences, in the people you meet and the situations you encounter. I can all to easily imagine that it’s easy to be blind sided by all that seems important. What if I’ve been actually blind sided by my upbringing, my education and this society’s idea of success. What if I’m supposed to be a creator in this lifetime, would that alone not give my life the meaning I’m looking for? A few months ago, I was captured by a line I heard James Ray say which has been something of mantra since, ‘Anytime you damn any part of creation, you dam the flow of good in God to you.’ I am blessed with an abundance of creative talents which I have ignored for most of my life. Now may just be the perfect time to learn from a hedgehog how to live my heart’s desire and find personal greatness.