A healing that surpasses time

22 07 2009

I’ve been raised in a rather conservative christian family, but have chosen my own path, several years ago. Since, I have embraced the idea of reincarnation of the soul, but apart from reading Many lives, many masters by Brian Weiss, I have never had much interest in making a connection with spirits or knowing about former lives. I was convinced that if and when it would be of interest to my healing in this lifetime, it would come to me. And two weeks ago, it did.

Over the years, I’ve come to know pain as a perfect guide to know the truth about myself. From Gary Zukav, I learned that whenever you react out of proportion to what has happened previously, you’re unconsciously experiencing pain. When, after a while, you start recognizing a pattern, instead of reacting, you have to remain still, feel the pain and bring awareness to it. Most likely, in your mind, you’ll go back to the time and place where the pain originated and by simply holding it in your mind and forgiving yourself for what you didn’t know at the time, you give it a place and the pain is gone. This way, I have unraveled many childhood traumas, getting calmer and more peaceful every time.

Two weeks ago, after a discussion with a friend, I started experiencing physical pain.  That evening, as I went to bed everything was hurting. Laying bed, I listened to my body. Giving space for consciousness to emerge, there suddenly was a heavy weight on my heart and I felt as if I was being strangled. What is happening, I asked. The answer came instantly. You have been strangled by someone you trusted, in a previous life. There were no particulars, I had no remembrance, but I simply knew this to be the truth.  A few days later, while meeting with that same friend, I felt sicker than before and in addition I was experiencing enormous back aches. My friend commented that I was walking as if I was pregnant. Without knowing so, I was. Again, when I was ready to confront the pain, I layed down on my bed. Instantaneously, the pain in my back returned and intensified within seconds. As I brought it to my awareness, and asked why my back was hurting so severly, I learned that I had been strangled not only by someone I trusted, but by the father of the baby I was carrying. All of a sudden, everything fell into place. It made complete sense why all of my life, I have had such a hard time trusting myself with anything.

Having forgiven myself for that error in judgement, I finally trust myself and I have lost the suffocating fear of making errors in judgement, which I unsuccesfully tried to overcome for years. Today, listening to my body, I realized the exhaustion I’ve been experiencing this week is being caused by related feelings of anger and loss, which I need to release and mourn. However, for energy to return,  I most of all need the healing power of forgiveness to take away the blockage that is obstructing Life’s energy to flow through me freely.  Although incomprehensible, I am immensely grateful for this experience and the opportunity it has given me to grow into who I’m meant to be in this lifetime. Amen.

Leaning into it

6 07 2009

I used to live by rules. Lots and lots of rules. My rules. And 98% of the time, I would not sin against them. Nowadays, I do things a little different. I’m leaning into it.

Leaning into means not forcing yourself. It means going with the flow, living from the inside out, letting consciousness guide you. For me, it most of all means living without self-judgment and guilt because of the other 2%.

Instead of saying, I can’t have cookies, I’ll have a cookie and create a space of awareness around it. I’ll be conscious about how it got into my mouth. And I’ll listen to what my body tells me. Guess what? It seems I don’t like cookies that much. I’ve discovered most cookies don’t taste like anything. It doesn’t feel great to eat them and I don’t feel particularly well after I’ve eaten them. I still eat cookies, though. Some because they are a feast for the tastebuds and some out of habit, and that’s okay. But, as consciousness is ever evolving, one day, somewhere in the future, my body will probably have lost the need for any unrefined food  And, to my partner’s big regret, the same will hold true for meat.

Blessed are you

2 07 2009

Blessed are you,
that carries the light
of being.

Blessed are you,
that opens the door
to heaven.

Blessed are you,
that is my brother,
my sister,


A heart’s whisper

1 07 2009

Already as a child,  I was taken with the idea of being an instrument of God. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to let him work through me. I prayed for this incessantly. I tried hard to be a good person, being honest and kind, helping whereever my help was needed or wanted. Most of all I tried very hard to find the right job for me. In this job, I imagined I would make a contribution to mankind by using my godgiven talents. I tried so many things but nothing worked. At a certain point, I just didn’t know what to do any more. I had almost given up.

Only recently, I figured out where I went wrong all these years.  Growing up, I had made up all kinds of ideas on what it means to live a life of service, what is useful and meaningful, how to make a contribution, and which talents are needed.  I wanted nothing more than to be an instrument of God, I prayed incessantly, but I never heard his answers, because I had not learned to listen to his voice. All these years, I had listened to my mind instead of with my heart.

Listening with my heart, hearing the whispers, I’ve learned that all I need to do to make this Universe a better place, is to be me. Fully and completely me. I’m learning to do what my heart urges me to do. I feel like I have arrived, as there is nowhere I ‘d rather be, nothing I ‘d rather do, no one I’d rather be than who, what and where I am today. I trust that when I do what my heart tells me to do, the Universe is unfolding through me.