The Work

26 09 2010

Most people perceive me to be, among a lot of other things, a loving, peaceful person. And I am. With most people, most of the time. Yet, there is one person who pushes all my buttons. When I meet him, I immediately get tense. I expect the worse and my mind starts making up all kinds of negative stories. Even after I’ve met him, my mind won’t stop. For about a week, it will keep playing all kinds of scenarios to the point where it drives me crazy. With other subjects, I can easily divert my mind from unwanted thoughts to more pleasant thoughts, but with this one it feels like my mind is running the show, expressing shock, disbelieve, sadness and even anger. 

I have learned enough about human psychology to know that we see in others how we see ourselves. He and I, we mirror each other perfectly, and of all the people I interact with he has the most to teach me about myself. Yet, this awareness did nothing to change the situation. My ego found a bone to chew on and it simply will not let go.

The only way to stop my ego from chewing, is to take the bone away. That could mean, eliminate that person from my life, but better is to find a way to make peace with how I feel about the situation. So, I’ve started peace negotiations. With myself. I’m looking in this perfect mirror that has been presented to me in the form of a human being and look for me. I look at his behavior and see things about myself I did not want to see. I look at my reactions and they are revealing things I did not want know. 

It is a painful process, but most of all, it is liberating. With every look I take, I see myself clearer, I am more who I am meant to be and I slowly feel peace settling in places I have never felt it before. The inner work I’m doing is aptly called The Work and I recommend it to everyone who wants to get his ego in check.