Speechless

24 03 2011

 

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There are no words to describe 

the shift I felt inside

the sense of completion

never experienced before

There are no words to describe 

the light that shines inside

I am bright as the sun

I light the whole the sky

There are no words to describe 

the love I feel inside,

unadultered, unfading

and free of charge for all

There are no words to describe 

the freedom I sense inside

because no one or no thing

can take the Love I am.

 

 

 





Growing pains

18 03 2011

 

 

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In stead of climbing the carreer ladder, I have been given the opportunity to climb the spiritual ladder. It didn’t net me a wonderful position, a great salary, or outside validation. What it did bring me however is priceless. From being an insecure young woman with a death wish, I went to being a self-assured woman who intensely loves life and believes she is worthy of all she has to offer. No matter what else will happen in my life, there will be no bigger accomplisment than this. Everything else will flow from this.

Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? And it IS! But, it isn’t the whole story. See, paradigm shifts happen in an instant. Old thought patterns and behaviors, on the other hand, have to be replaced by new thought patterns and new behaviors. And this takes time. So here I am, with this radically new image of myself and the world at large, and thought patterns and behaviors that don’t match it, yet. These are growing pains.Have you ever watched a baby trying to execute a new idea and not being able to do it yet. Have you seen its frustration build with every failed attempt? Have you seen it get angry with frustration? Yes? Then you know where I am. 

I know without a doubt that wonderful things are happening and will happen, because I feel worthy of all I have to offer. And yet, my most practiced belief still is that wonderful things, read carreer and financial success, need to happen for me to be worthy. This creates an enormous tension within me, because the harder my old self tries to make things work, the more my wise self revolts and insists on doing nothing, which in return leads to a renewed zeal from my old self. After one and a half day of fierce resistance and the potentially catastrophic consequences it yielded, I’ve come to the brilliant conclusion that resistance is futile. So this is my plan: I’m going to do nothing. I’m going to sit still and do nothing. My old self won’t like this one bit and create an internal havoc of which I cannot predict the proportions yet, but it sure as hell won’t be a picnic. And that’s fine with me, I’ll just sit still and do nothing. I will love my old self. I will hold it and cherish it as you do a hysterically crying baby, until it wears itself out and falls asleep peacefully. I will just love myself until the message sinks in: I love myself unconditionally, no matter how much of a meltdown I have, I will see the perfection in me. I am perfect as I am. 

 

 

 





Ain’t no mountain high enough

14 03 2011

 

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Two weeks ago, for the first time in my life, I felt the full alignment of me and ME. The feeling was undescribable. Everything clicked. I felt this amazing sense of peace and oneness. I felt perfect and whole, I felt worthy. What a feeling! Wow!

It lasted exactly one day. Then, part of it was lost again and I felt myself grow increasingly frustrated. What was wrong with me? Why could I not hold on to that feeling? Why did I feel  some of these old feelings of inadequacy again? Until it dawned on me that this is perfectly normal, that I am perfectly normal. And I remembered hearing stories of people who had resided in the palm of God’s hand and all their life tried to find that feeling again.

What I have learned in these last years is that Life’s path is not linear. To get to the next mountain top, you often have to descend a bit first. From an absolute point of view, your average altitude is higher than it was before the last peak. But it doesn’t always feel that way. Somehow, you remember the high of reaching that peak and have forgotten what it took to get there. You feel frustrated, because, in the normal bustle of things, you don’t feel as elated anymore. 

What I know for sure is that climbing this mountain range called life, with every peak you reach, you get a feel of what’s to come.  To reach that next summit, you’ll have to keep on going, relying on the skills that got you where you are and learning new skills in the process, because old habits won’t get you new results; every level requires that you perfect your skills and learn something new. 

So instead of getting more frustrated with every step, I’ve decided to put up my base camp. I will stay here for a while. I’ll get used to the altitude, to the reality of these new feelings  and I’ll practice the skills that go with it. Skills that, in time, will help me reach the next peak. I’m excited about being here, I love training these new skills and I am thrilled about the journey ahead of me. K2, here I come!

 

 

 





A love song

4 03 2011

This is a love song

for people who look life in the eye,

who have the guts to really live,

to feel the pain and be transformed by it.

They see their life as it is,

and choose to cherish all of it.

This is a love song

for the Marthas, for the Anne-Maries

and the Ragnas of this world,

for men and women

who have the courage

to love their lives as it is.

This is a love song

for the life I’ve been given,

for the life I am living,

and the life I am birthing,

for the love it inspires 

and the lessons it teaches.

 

This is a love song

for everyone

who is willing to love life.