Mind the gap!

25 09 2013




I have been wanting to use this title for a long time. If you have ever been to London and taken the subway, you will have heard a deep voice speak these words every time the doors open. How cool is it to be reminded of one of life’s greatest lessons on your daily commute?

What I have learned is that when you let go of old beliefs and the emotions that are attached to it, it has a kind of domino effect. Some effects show right away, but most effects take some time. In my experience, there is a period in which the brain and body sort of recalibrate. What will follow among other things are a greater sense of peace and well-being, more clarity.
So far, the ‘some effects’ have been pretty awesome already. What I have noticed is Read the rest of this entry »

We’re going on a bear hunt

18 09 2013



“We’re going on a bear hunt,
We’re going to catch a big one,
What a beautiful day,
We’re not scared.

Oh oh!
A cave,
A narrow, gloomy cave.
We can’t go over it,
We can’t go under it,
We’ve got to go throught it!
Tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe.”


This is a verse from the children’s book We’re going on a bear hunt by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury. I love this book, although, when I come to think of it, I don’t think I ever read it to my daughter.  This last week walking through my shame, I kept repeating to myself  ‘We’ve got to go through it.’  At the beginning of this week I was tiptoeing through this dark cave alone, shitting my pants, and most of all feeling very alone. Shame creates separation.
I am still walking through that cave, but now I am holding hands with people who in response to my story have shared their shame with me. I am still scared of criticism, but I don’t feel alone anymore and that makes a big difference. Sharing shame Read the rest of this entry »

Shame won’t kill me

16 09 2013

Over the years, I have become very good at dodging work-related questions. The subject is a painful reminder that I am a big fat failure. I have struggled with work for the last 25 years. With my fear of failure even longer. Before exams or job interviews, I would get acute and extremely painful cramps. During exams, assessment tests and job interviews I would go blank. Afterwards, I would be gutted, but the shame that followed the stress would lead to dissociation, which in turn always helped me find a logical  explanation, which already anticipated dealing with not being good enough or getting turned down. Fear of failure still is a big part of my life. I didn’t realize how much until a few weeks ago. Read the rest of this entry »

Making room for the new

4 09 2013



For the first time in three and a half years, I feel like myself again, up and running, ready for more. It feels good. In the past year, I’ve been preparing for this moment by purging our home, letting go of things that don’t serve us anymore, things that are part of a past that is over, a past that won’t be part of our future. My intention was to make room for Life to flow through, for new things to come to us. Little did I know.

Read the rest of this entry »