I am cherished

30 04 2014



When, as a kid, we did not get the things we needed most to grow into an emotionally healthy grown-up, we have to provide them for ourselves, now.

It is where I am at this moment. I am in the process of creating an inner sense of security, of abundance, and of strength. I am slowly learning that I am all that I need. Not just intellectually, but taking it in emotionally and physically. It is through reassuring my inner child, through giving what she needs most and through letting her explore the world at her pace.

I am perfect as I am. I am enough just as I am. I don’t need to do anything to earn my right to be here. I don’t need to act a certain way to be loved. I don’t need to justify my business. I don’t need to do anything to prove myself or my worth. I am worthy, because I am. It is that simple. I am enough. All by myself.

I am cherishing the potential that is growing within myself. From the outside, life seems to stand still, but I am no longer fooled by outside appearances. I am filling my cup to the point where it will start to overflow.


Image by Gabriella Fabbri


What is reality anyway?

23 04 2014



I grew up, and I guess most of us did, with the idea that we should do what is deemed ‘possible’, ‘attainable’ and ‘realistic’. Yes, we should be realistic at all times about what is attainable. And we are lucky when we attain what is possible.
Where I am standing now, I can’t believe I ever truly believed that. What a BS! Somewhere along the line we confused reality with mediocrity and realism with generalism. Reality, realism and realistic talk about what is real, and that differs from person to person. Just because our reality looks grim through our lens, doesn’t mean someone else’s reality is looking grim as well. The reality of an entrepreneur who is filing for bankruptcy is a different reality than that of Donald Trump. Or is it? Did you know that Donald Trump filed for bankruptcy five times? The first of which was a personal bankruptcy with a debt of over 900 million dollars, or at least that is what I read in Forbes Magazine. There is something intriguing about Donald Trump as he seems to view reality differently than most us. Same with Oprah Winfrey, Russel Simmons, Bill Gates and the late Steve Jobs.

People say that Steve Jobs suffered from a Reality Distortion Field, a term coined by an Apple employee with regards to how Steve Jobs viewed ‘reality’. I say we all ‘suffer from’ a reality distortion field, Jobs’ field just was an extraordinary one. Like that of Donald Trump, Oprah Winfrey, Russel Simmons and Bill Gates. You see, what is missing from their ‘field’ are Read the rest of this entry »

Unleashing our inner Sherlock

16 04 2014



Last week, I lightly touched upon the topic of ‘undeservingness’. Most of us, if not all of us, have feelings of undeservingness. Unconsciously of course, because no one in their right mind would believe they were not deserving of love and abundance, in the widest sense of the word. I know that I was kind of shocked to discover that one of my deepest beliefs was that I deserved to be ignored, to be rejected, because that is what I learned in my earliest days. I also believed that I only deserved to survive, that life is a struggle.
I believe that feelings of undeservingness block the flow of go(o)d. We receive what we believe we deserve. Now we may think we deserve everything, but thinking happens in the head and deservingness is housed in pelvic area. How do I know that? Because that’s where I feel the pain and the blockages, when either I get conscious of a feeling of undeservingness or when I am releasing feelings of undeservingness. My body is not unique in the sense that it has a different physiology or that the link between my emotional body and my physical body is different from everyone else’s. I may be more aware of it, that’s all.

Now how do I release these dysfunctional beliefs? First, I become aware of the fact that I have a belief that isn’t beneficial. The rule of thumb here is very easy, when I don’t feel relaxed, I am stressed, and stress is caused by a belief that isn’t working for me. When that happens, I put on my Sherlock hat, get my magnifier and go on a clue hunt. I will ask questions and listen intuitively. A good question to begin with is “Why am I feeling stressed?” I will listen to the answers that come up and trust my intuition to pick the right answer, usually it is the first, the one that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Then I will ask four more whys. “Why is [first answer] making me feel stressed?” Again, I let my intuition decide what answer is correct, even if it doesn’t make any sense. And then I ask: “Why is [second answer] making me feel stressed?” I don’t know why but Read the rest of this entry »

Spiritual Stain Removal

9 04 2014



These past weeks, I have been using the spiritual equivalent of one of those miracle stain removers to release stubborn spiritual stains. It is called present awareness. I can testify that it really works, it can even remove accumulated dirt of a lifetime.
When we talk about deep held beliefs or deep seated beliefs, that is exactly what they are.  Our beliefs are literally held between our reproductive organs and our pelvic area. They don’t just sit there, they are attached to our tissue. The weight of our deepest negative beliefs holds us down, lowers our frequency, determines what we attract into our lives. To up our frequency and attract into our life all the things we want, we have to release our deep held beliefs. To release them, we actually have to detach them from the surrounding tissue.

The cool thing is that we only have to intend to release that which is blocking us and be willing to be present with whatever arises. That is simple, but what is simple is not always easy. The things that block us, the things that arise are painful. Most of us have become so effective at avoiding pain, that we have forgotten that we are built to withstand pain, that processing pain in a healthy way creates resilience,  strength and empathy. Most of us fear pain so much that we are willing to do anything not to feel it. It doesn’t take a genius to see that our approach isn’t working. Our unwillingness to get real, to actually feel pain, has led to world wide suffering on all levels, and even the consequent denial of that suffering.

The spiritual soaking of my beliefs isn’t what I consider to be a fun experience, but it is a very necessary one. It is intense and painful, emotionally and physically. To release it, I have to feel it. Feel it and stay present, feel it and not get attached to it, feel it and be compassionate, yet feel it fully and completely. To feel it, I have to activate the feeling and with that all that is resonating with it becomes active too. This is helpful because it helps me to release a cluster of emotions, and it helps me to recognize and understand patterns that allow me to focus on the belief that is the root of the pain. It is helpful too because the strong activation of the lower frequency that matches the negative belief I am processing attracts people and situations that add fuel to the fire, which allows me to dig deeper. There is nothing I would want to more than this at this moment, but it is hard work. The irony of it all is that I am doing the most important thing in my life and my ego keeps telling me that I am lazy, that I don’t deserve to do ‘nothing’.

Last week, I processed ‘rejection’. This week it is ‘undeservingness’. These are big themes that I have carried with me a life time, they are deeply entrenched in my psyche and my body. Last week, I asked two dear friends to support me in this releasing process by sending healing energy. The effects were amazing and really helpful. I want to ask you to help me in this process by sending me healing energy, wrapping me in love, praying for my well-being or whatever your practice is to support me in the coming days. It would mean a lot. And don’t be shy. Let me know in the comments down below or on facebook. I would really like to hear from you. Thank you!


picture by Lukasz Brzozowski

The tables are turned

2 04 2014



I don’t know if I ever told you about the ‘pain body’. It is a concept coined by Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth. As soon as I read the term, many years ago, I knew what he meant without further explanation, and I knew mine was heavy and dense. When we don’t adequately deal with negative emotions as they occurr, we store (part of) that pain outside of our consciousness. The totality of that pain, plus the pain we absorbed from our loved ones and the part of the collective human pain we carry, Tolle calls the pain body. What struck me about his description was the idea that the pain body is a separate entity that can overtake us, that it needs drama to survive, and will do anything to get it. Tolle says we can only dissolve our pain body through Presence, being here now. When I read those words for the first time, that was kind of out there. Be present was hard enough as it was. Being present when confronted with emotional pain, that was something I had no clue how to do. As I read the chapters on the pain body again this morning, I was amazed at how I had ‘forgotten’ what I had read and at the same time have become so much more conscious of exactly what Tolle talks about in those pages. And how I have found a way to actually be present and dissolve the pain body that lives within me successfully.

Last Thursday, as I was experiencing silent weightlessness, the tiredness I had been experiencing for over a week was gone. In the afternoon, I received a message that triggered feelings of rejection. Exit silent weightlessness, enter emotional heaviness, restart the releasing process. On Sunday, the tiredness  was back. On Monday, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was angry and frustrated with my body. I blamed the tiredness on working in the garden on Sunday, but part of me was confused; it just wasn’t logical. Somewhere in the afternoon, I recognized that my frustration with my body fitted the theme, that I was basically feeling rejected by my body. And while I was at it, I released that too. This morning, while reading about the pain body, the light bulb went on in my head as I suddenly realized that the bouts of extreme tiredness I experience are nothing but fierce resistance of the pain body. This pain body that is attached to me does not want to be dissolved, it will do anything to survive. It will do anything in its power to prevent me from being Present.

As soon as I understood the pain body’s game for survival, determination flooded my body, and the tiredness was gone. This pain body, I will not claim it, not call it mine, will soon find out that it has lost both its power and its fear factor. You see I don’t care about drama anymore, yours or mine, or pain, or a non-cooperative body. I know what pain is, I have felt it in all its dept and I am not afraid of it anymore. From now on, I will allow every suppressed emotion to come up when it does, and feel it as it is. I will fully and completely accept all that I am feeling. I will allow myself to feel everything and not get attached to it. I am turning on the Light. I will shine the light of awareness on anything that is not part of my true self. I will release and release and release. I don’t care if it is all I do in the next weeks, months, I will release everything that triggers any negative emotion. I will release and simply love everything about myself, because the Love I have for myself is stronger than this ego’s desire to control. The tables are turned. This pain body is going to be loved to death, it just doesn’t know it yet.


picture by Krzysztof Szkurlatowski