Learn to fly

25 06 2014



The upside of having been neurotic for the greater part of my life is that I can recognize neurotic behavior from a distance. I can tell you this: we live in an ever more neurotic world. It seems neurotic is the new normal, or maybe it always was this way, maybe I just was so immersed in it that I did not see it. I was fearful of a wide range of things. My fears kept me from living the life I wanted to live. I saw problems everywhere, and focused on them with fervor. I had a very fixed sense of reality and wasn’t aware of how I was limiting myself. I was constantly worrying and always stressed. Does any of this sound familiar?

Everything is either rooted in fear or in love. With love, I don’t mean the mushy, meddling kind, the I-love-my-kid-so-much-I-worry-about-her-all-the-time kind of love, or the I-love-him-so-much-I-don’t-want-him-to-leave-me kind of love. That’s not love, that’s a control issue. That’s fear disguised as love. Love will not worry, not fear, not stress. Period. Love will trust that all is well. Don’t get me wrong. This trust is not passive, it is not fatalist. This trust is active, it is following our heart even when it doesn’t make sense yet. It is understanding that we are all geniuses in our own way, that nothing is impossible, that there are no dead-ends. It is knowing that we have great power, that we co-create this life experience, that we give meaning to our own lives.

There is a quote circulating the internet. A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s wings. We have forgotten that we have wings. Somewhere along the line, we have come to believe we can’t fly. But the fact that we don’t use our wings, doesn’t make us flightless, it just makes us move through life less effectively. Ever seen an eagle climb a tree? My point exactly. We have wings. The great news is that we don’t need to grow wings, we only need to use them.  We may need to grow some muscles, but we have wings. We can fly, we can soar.

I had forgotten my true nature, I had forgotten that I have wings, that I can fly. As a result I felt deeply unsafe, and had an equally deep need for control. Things are changing. I am moving to the other side of the spectrum. I still have fears, but I don’t attach (much) weight to them anymore. I can see them, I can feel them, (if necessary) face them, (mostly) ignore them, (usually) not give into them and choose a (more) deliberate response, choose a response rooted in love, choose to trust even when it doesn’t make sense yet.

Have you ever seen baby birds? Before they can fly they will stretch their wings and hip on the branch, mimicking flight behavior, until their wings are strong enough. Then they will just let themselves fall of the branch and fly. In this neurotic world, this is our choice: are we going to sit on that branch fretting about whether and when it will break, or are we going to face our fears, focus on love, exercise trust, jump of that branch and live?


Image by Juha Soininen

Getting up to speed

18 06 2014



We all set intentions, consciously and unconsciously. We may not know it, but we do. We set intentions when we intend for things to happen in our life. Some intentions are more powerful than other intentions. The power of an intention is determined by the power of the desire that fueled it. The great thing about intentions is that Life always meets us half-way. All we have to do is set the intention and then Life creates the right circumstances for us to fulfill it. The only thing is that the right circumstances are not always desired circumstances. Conscious intention-setting is a powerful way to invite change into your life. When we set intentions consciously, we are most likely to recognize the circumstances that help us fulfill them. Although, in my experience, most of the time, while Life keeps its end of the agreement, I am blind to it. Usually because I did not expect the right circumstances to be disguised the way they are, or simply because I perceive them to be wrong instead of right. Last week, I set the intention to be more loving. I literally asked: How can I be more loving?

Later that day, I was driving on what I consider to be one of the worst pieces of freeway in the Netherlands. Only four lanes, extremely crowded and loads and loads and loads of international trucks equipped with both speed limiters and drivers that nevertheless feel the need to overtake trucks that only drive 1km/h slower, even though there is an abundance of signs telling them not to. Over the years, I have become a lot more relaxed behind the wheel, most of the time I don’t get too stressed over the behavior of other drivers, but not that day. That afternoon, Read the rest of this entry »

Unapologetically me

11 06 2014



My life does not look like that of most people. For a long time that has bothered me, because somehow most people have a hard time categorizing me and apparently that bothers them enough to be uncomfortable around me. It bothered me because I just really wanted to be liked. So I tried to make people feel comfortable by playing small, consciously or unconsciously.

We all do it, playing small to fit in, trying to be more alike to be more easily liked. I can tell you that it doesn’t work. It is my experience that people won’t be fooled, they will simply notice the incongruency and feel uncomfortable anyway. The only thing we can do is be ourselves, completely and unapologetically ourselves. Because as Dr Seuss said: “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. And that really is all there is to it.

So, my life does not look like that of most people. Big deal! How could it? The moment I chose not to kill myself, the moment I chose to live, the moment I chose to become as happy has humanly possible I chose to take the road less traveled. And here I am, on a road less traveled. It kind of makes sense. For the longest time, It felt as if I was walking that road alone, and now I see there are plenty of cool people here. And guess what, their life doesn’t look like that of most people either!

For as long as I can remember I craved connection. Now I am connected, to me. And apparently, that is enough. I love people, I do, more than I ever thought was possible, and I feel our connection, but I don’t necessarily need to play with anyone that crosses my path anymore.  And I really do not need to make them feel comfortable. Connected, yes. Perfect as they are, yes. Comfortable, no. Don’t get me wrong I don’t feel that I am any better, because I am not, but I do feel that it is okay to be different. I finally have accepted that I am different. My story, my interests, my likes and dislikes, they are not average. I am no longer interested in fitting in. And I no longer fear being different. All I am interested in is being me, unapologetically me.

I will not be everybody’s cup of tea. And that is okay. It doesn’t feel comfortable yet, but I don’t need you to like me, and I don’t need you to make me feel special, because I like myself, or even better I love myself as I am.  And I know for a fact that I am special. And that you are too. I am just being me, unapologetically me, and I invite you to be you, unapologetically you. And if you like me and I like you, than that is a bonus, a perfect compliment to an already perfect life.


image by Darren Deans

The foundation of trust

4 06 2014



One and a half week ago, on an early Sunday morning, we received a call from my mother-in-law, that my father-in-law had had a stroke. In the stroke, the flow of oxygen in the right hemisphere of his  brain was cut off for what probably was a prolonged period of time. As a result, the appearance of the man we love so dearly has changed. As my daughter put it very aptly “I miss my granddad.”

To be a by-stander, to not be able to do anything but give love and facilitate healing feels unsettling, but then this is life. This is life. Although we would like to believe otherwise, all we can do for others and ourselves is to give love and facilitate healing. It is only at a time like this that this truth lies bare, unhidden by the illusion we prefer to see. Truth always facilitates healing. It never forces, always leaves the choice to us. Are we willing to step up to the plate, or do we choose to cover the truth that is revealed to us with the illusion of control again? No matter the situation, I choose the first. And as harsh as it may sound, this situation provided me with exactly the right impulses to help me grow more in to all that I am.

This week, I discovered that the basis of my ‘trust’ fund was wobbly. It was built on sand instead of rock. As the week progressed, I got more tired, more stressed. What stood out most was that I started eating licorice, and couldn’t stop. On Monday, my husband and I had a minor falling out. It was no big deal, yet I felt such stress that my body started shaking and all I wanted to do was curl up and be comforted by someone that made me feel completely safe. No one fitted the profile, the person who makes me feel safest just left the building with a thundercloud over his head. It was only then that I realized I felt Unsafe and Unsupported. Capital U. Core beliefs. In the first weeks of my life, my body and mind were imprinted with the message that I am unsafe, that I am unsupported. And ever since, my body and mind have repeated that message to me, over and over again. At core, I believe that I AM unsafe, that I AM unsupported. Trust does not thrive on these beliefs.

So yesterday, I did what I do when I discover an ineffective belief, I let it go. I let it go by literally breathing into the pain and getting the stale energy that is stored in my body to move again until it is felt and released. It was the first time I reached so deep into my body. Amazingly, while I was releasing being unsafe my sixth chakra was activated, and while I was releasing being unsupported my crown chakra was activated. This energy system of us is so beautifully designed, and so logical. We cannot trust the inspiration that is flowing to and through to us when we believe we are unsupported. We cannot envision great things to happen through and to us when we believe we are unsafe. Just like we cannot create abundance when we don’t dare to express ourselves, or own our power when we don’t love ourselves.

One of the great mystical Truths is that we are One. This means that what is done to one is done to All. I believe the best way to give love and facilitate healing to others is by healing ourselves. When we heal ourselves, the whole gets healthier. When we heal ourselves, we allow others to heal more easily, because only when we are unhindered by disempowering beliefs, we can be fully present in every moment, and love everything and everyone with the same, undivided attention. This is what it means to allow the Universe to flow through us without interference. To let Love flow without expecting anything in return. We cannot do this unless we know that we are all safe, unless we know that we are being supported, always. Only then, we can trust that everything is working out for the best without needing to see physical proof. I know that all is well. My physical eyes may not see it, but I won’t be fooled by them when my heart tells me otherwise.



picture by Puiu Adriana Mirabela