I know

28 01 2015



I have been struggling with a lack of self-confidence my whole life. I can tell you that self-doubt is paralyzing. It invariably leads to sub-par outcomes. All my life, I have heard people say, “You just have to have a bit more self-confidence, believe in yourself.” As if. They really believed their advice was helpful. All it told me was that they had no clue what they were talking about. All it did was add to my self-doubt.

Some people go through life with natural self-confidence from a very early age, they somehow are unimpressed by what other people think and say. All I can say is that I wasn’t that way at all, I was a very impressionable little girl. There are three areas in my life where I have no to very little self-doubt, as a mom, as a cook and as a mystic. Interestingly, these areas came along later in my life, and the effort I put in yielded immediate positive results. With every other thing, my efforts either remained unnoticed or unvalued. To this day, I mostly feel that I have nothing of value to offer. I know it isn’t true, but it is what I have come to believe about myself.

Being very driven, wanting to share my story with the world, wanting to impact other people’s lives for the better, feeling that what I have to share has no value is somewhat of a challenge. Fortunately, I am in the business of undoing beliefs, of pinpointing them and releasing them. I will not be ruled by beliefs that don’t serve me. I will not live a life defined by the impressions of other peoples’ limited beliefs. I know I can change my life. I have confidence in my abilities to transform my emotional caterpillars into butterflies. I know that one day I will have released all the old beliefs that keep me crawling. I know that one day, having released just one more old belief, the pull of the butterflies lifting me up will be greater than the weight of the caterpillars keeping me down. I know I will fly.


picture by Andreas Krappweis

Spiritual Fuzz

21 01 2015



I have grown fuzz. Yes, fuzz. Spiritual fuzz to be precise.

“Each night when you go to sleep, the interfaces between your muscles grow fuzz, potentially. And in the morning when you wake up and you stretch, the fuzz melts. We melt the fuzz. That stiff feeling you have is the solidifying of your tissues. The sliding surfaces of your body aren’t sliding anymore, there’s fuzz growing in between them.”
- dr Gil Hedley, The Fuzz Speech (short, fun and educational video)

I recently experienced firsthand what happens when fuzz is allowed to build up our bodies. Because of an injury, I wasn’t able to stretch my knee properly for a few months. When I healed my knee, I still couldn’t stretch it. After seeing The Fuzz Speech, I started stretching my knee a bit more every day to remove the fuzz and restore movement. I am almost able to fully stretch my knees again without any discomfort.

As you may have read last week, after an extended stay in the city of Happiness, I have redefined my destination and have started moving in the direction of Awesomeness. After just a few days of being on the move, I am feeling tired. Mind you, I am not doing anything drastic, just doing things differently. Adding a little extra action to my day, focused on what makes me feel awesome. Over the years, by protecting old emotional injuries, I have grown fuzz between the sliding surfaces of my spirit. I dread taking action. I have lost ‘original movement’. It creates stress and as a result I became less action-oriented. I have created “an inhibition for the potential of movement” and as dr Hedley says, I now “need a more systematic exploration of that place to restore” the mobility that used to be there.

Most people shy away from things that feel uncomfortable simply because it feels uncomfortable. We, as a species, don’t like discomfort. Yet when we have grown fuzz, and who hasn’t, in order for us to restore the original movement we lost, we must break the fuzz bit by bit until we gain full mobility again. And as I learned recently, that doesn’t feel comfortable at all, some would even call it painful. The question we need to ask ourselves is, will the benefits of regaining our original mobility outweigh the discomfort of introducing movement again?

The answer is always YES! In his video, dr Hedley says that aging is the solidification of our bodies, the reduction of our range of motion. I say that what we call adulthood is the solidification of our spirits, the reduction of our range of possibility. We stop dreaming, we start saying that we are a certain way, that life is a certain way. Wrong! We are who we define ourselves to be. Life is what we define it to be. I choose to let go of all the fuzz, of all predefined soul-draining concepts I have about myself and about life. I AM AWESOME! I am leaving the comfort zone, because the benefits of becoming all that I can be far outweigh the discomfort of breaking some spiritual fuzz.


image by Redster


14 01 2015



It’s been a question that’s been on my mind a lot this last year, how come I cannot get back in the game? Usually, the answer to a question is so simple that we overlook it. This was no exception.

Most of my life, stress hormones were racing through my body, creating a downward spiral in which I felt progressively stressed, powerless and tired. Most of my stress was concentrated around the things I believed I had to do and how I had to do them. I had no self-confidence, which manifested in extreme fear of failure, which I tried to mask with perfectionism (which, by the way,  I did perfectly), and eventually it stopped me from doing anything. Today, I am a different person. Gone is the stress, gone the fear and gone the perfectionism. I feel great, I am relaxed (most of the time), I am at peace and feel comfortable in my own skin, and there is little to nothing I feel I have to do. I love my life. Yes, I want to do things, but even there I am pretty relaxed; I just haven’t figured out how to go about it.

The answer to my earlier question is easy. For over a decade, I have actively sought a way to be happy. In my mind, being happy equaled being at peace, which to me was being without stress. Having finally found that, the absence of stress feels so good physically, that no horses can drag me away from here. Unfortunately, my mind is conditioned to relate stress to action and peace to very little action. Yet, over the past year, I have discovered that while being happy equals being at peace, being at peace does not equal being without stress. To get back in the game, I have to recondition myself to react differently to stress. Stress is part of this physical environment. If handled healthily stress is a good thing, it leads to strength, growth and resilience.

Having arrived at my destination (happiness), and having discovered what it looks and feels like, I really want to get moving again. To do that I have to redefine my destination. I am heading for a new destination, it’s called Awesomeness! Every day, I will ask myself, what do I have to do today to feel awesome tonight? To me, awesome feels like joy, ease, flow, health, abundance. It feels like  moving, doing, exploring, writing, speaking, contributing, and adding value. Every day,  I will say to myself that  I AM AWESOME! and sing to myself that I fucking did it! (check those videos out, they’re worth every minute of your time). These are my new affirmations. And I can’t wait to see how they will enrich my journey.

Like everything in life, happiness is an ever-evolving concept, it will be different tomorrow than it was today. The essence of happiness is being able to evolve right along with it. That is the game.


photo credits go to my awesome daughter

Happy 2015!

7 01 2015



The first article of 2015! I love writing. Writing helps me access my higher self, it helps me gain a clarity that often baffles me. I want to thank you for reading my articles, I love that you do. I want to thank those who comment on my articles whether on the site itself, on Facebook or on Twitter. I love the interaction immensely, and every week look forward to it. Over the years, many people have told me that my writing resonates with them, that my words help them shift perspective. There are no words to describe the thrill this gives me.

My intention always is to share my becoming in such a way that you can recognize yourself in my story and take away from it what helps you grow more into who you truly are. This blog has been a catalyst for my own growth and as a result I have grown in many ways. I have become kinder, more open to life. The need for life, for you and myself to be a certain way has lessened. I am being all that I can be in this moment, and I know that you are too. We are sharing this experience we call life, and I feel blessed to walk this path with you. Thank you!

May we celebrate last year, the highs and the lows; may we see that they all contributed to who we are now, to all that we are becoming. May 2015 be the most wondrous year ever; may we graciously expand into newer versions of ourselves and easily let go everything that is between who we are now and who we are growing into. Namasté.


Image by Philip Pena