How I learned to love myself

8 07 2015



If there is one thing that sped up my transformation these past years, it has been learning to love myself, all of myself. It wasn’t exactly an overnight kind of experience, it was more like a cha cha cha. And it still is. It is an ongoing process, and it will not be complete until the day I die.¬†As much as we want to, we cannot go from loathing ourselves to loving ourselves in one step, unless perhaps in an NDE, but I do not recommend that. It is much easier to be a bit kinder to yourself each day.

My first step towards self-compassion was understanding that we always do our best. No matter how screwed our thoughts or behaviors may be, we always do our best, even if we feel we don’t, especially when we feel we don’t. So I would go around, saying to myself: you did your best, if you could have done better, you would have done better. This mantra caused my body to relax a bit, and because I didn’t slam myself over the head every time I did something wrong, my mind felt safe enough to highlight the areas where I could do better, and handed me ideas on how to deal better with these situations. After some time, I noticed that I had become less self-critic, and kinder in general.
Slowly, my mantra changed in: you did well. See how I still spoke to myself in the second person? You did well. These words brought relief and comfort. They allowed me to make peace with my past. This helped my body and mind to relax even more. And next to being aware of all the things that I could do better, I started to notice the things I was doing well. That felt indescribably good.
I started saying to myself: you are doing well. It was then that I started to gain momentum. You are doing well, allowed me to relax in the moment. Not completely, but a bit more every time I said it to myself.

Fast-forward to today: I love me. Today, I AM perfect as I am. I AM owning my god-given perfection. I AM enough as I am. I AM worthy as I am. Every moment, I AM doing better. I AM a work in progress. I love my body, and my body loves me back. I love my life, and life loves me back. I AM appreciating this life experience. I love it when I ‘slip up’, when I fall back in old behaviors, because it creates the desire to love myself even more. My life is working out perfectly. I am not flawless, nor would I want to be, I don’t need to be perfect anymore. All I want is to feel good about myself and my life, and I decided that that is the starting point in stead of the finish line. What I know for sure is that Love changes everything.


Image by Svilen Milev

Open to Life

1 07 2015



Things have changed. Life feels different. Things are different, because I AM different. I have changed. For the first time in my life, I feel safe. And because I feel safe, I no longer need to be in a constant state of fight-or-flight. My body has relaxed into the present moment, and as a result I am more receptive to Life, both physically and emotionally. Today, I realized that I have never felt so alive in my entire life. There are no words to describe what it feels like. It is hard to describe the absence of something. The ever-present Fear is gone. Instead I feel ease, my body is relaxed. Now and then I feel the occasional pang of fear, but all I have to do is to breathe into it and it dissipates.

Things have changed. I left Egypt, I crossed the desert, and now am walking in the land of milk and honey. Of course there still are giants and cities to be conquered. But I don’t worry, because I have faith that all will be well. Remember how the walls of Jericho came tumbling down? I can’t explain, but I know. No doubt. I feel so much lighter, the heaviness around my heart is gone. The journey no longer feels difficult, filled with hardship, dependent of variables outside of my control. I don’t dread what is coming anymore, no longer hope for the best. I am excited about the journey that I am on. I am optimistic. I see good things coming my way.

I love feeling safe. I love allowing well-being. I love letting in grace. I love how Life is flowing effortlessly. I love allowing joy and abundance to manifest. I love finding it so easily, so readily available. I love being open to Life unconditionally. I love appreciating the full spectrum of Life. I love fully expressing myself. I love feeling excited. And I can’t wait for what else Life has in store for me. It will be better than anything I ever imagined, because it already is.