Expecto Patronus

14 01 2010

Vampires they’re called, Nazgûl, Spectres of Indifference, Harpies or Dementors. They are the un-dead. Fictional entities that feed upon your very essence and leave you lifeless, that feed upon your misery and taunt you with everything you ever did wrong. In their presence, you feel surrounded by the darkness of your deepest fears. All the light seems gone and it feels impossible to think happy thoughts. This is our ego at its worst.

I know the pain and fear I’m feeling are a figment of my ego, but that doesn’t make it less real. I feel as if I am Nothing. It is the worst feeling I can imagine. The pain is so dark, I have no words to describe it. I have felt this pain before. Ten years ago, I would have done anything to make it go away.

Although difficultly, these dark creatures can be fended off. Of the fictional heroes that succeed in doing so, Harry Potter and Lyra Silvertongue are my favorite. Love is their primary motive. Humaneness and courage are their main assets. To me, their struggle with the dark side holds valuable lessons. To protect himself, Harry creates in his mind a picture of his happiest memory to produce a Patronus, a shield of positivity on which Dementors can feed. And in her despair, the not always truthful Lyra learns that Harpies, who seemingly feed on our misery, will actually feed on any story, if true.

The pain is as intense as it was ten years ago, but I am not the same. I am stronger, wiser. I now know the Light that is my essence, that is Consciousness, that is Love. Where this Light shines there can be no darkness. However difficult, I need to hold in my heart and mind feelings and thoughts that nurture my soul. Most of all I need to be bold enough to tell my ego the true story of me, which mainly is a story of love, courage and creativity.

Now is my time to really step up for myself, to feel the Love that I am and to let my Light shine.





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