Honestly?

16 11 2007

Being open to change is all about honesty. I need to be completely honest with myself in order to know who I really am. Honesty comes at a price, though. The price is pain. Then, why bother and submit myself to continuous self-examination? Why make life complicated?

I have learned that however painful uncovering the truth may be, it is less painful than hiding that same truth. Hiding doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Deep inside, I knew I was not being completely open, and I was constantly trying to cover up. Ever tried to keep a beach ball under water? All it wants is to surface. Keeping the truth about my life under the surface took most of my energy, and finally wore me out.
I have learned that when I have the courage to see life as it is, not as I would want it to be, I’m rewarded with a deep sense of peace, as if a weight is lifted from my heart. The reward outweighs the pain always. And with every lie I uncover, my sense of self increases and the pain lessens. Where I once was unhappy, I now feel at ease with myself. I am proud to be me. All the energy I freed up, I can spend freely now. I am happy and healthy. My life has never been better, and I know the best is yet to come. 

So ask yourself in all honesty, what does your beach ball look like? 





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4 responses to “Honestly?”

16 11 2007
Mark (22:23:32) :

I love the beach ball analogy. It is good that you had this realization and that your life is better for it.

17 11 2007
norea (13:58:43) :

Yeah, me too! I heard or read about it somewhere, long ago. I think it was a Dr Phil metaphore, but I’m not sure.

17 11 2007
Sara (23:21:06) :

Heavy. I think I am a natural talent or a very simple soul. I live my life as the flow goes.

19 11 2007
norea (10:34:14) :

Good for you!
As I understand it and have experienced it, we cannot go through childhood without (unintently) being traumatized. When a child encounters something threatening, something it doesn’t understand, it needs to repress in order to survive emotionally, because it cannot handle the implications. As a result, we spend most of our adult life unconsciously avoiding whatever traumatized us as a child.
I am always alerted when I overreact to a certain event. Because when we encounter whatever caused our trauma our reaction will most likely be not age appropriate. A part of our emotional development came to a halt when the trauma occurred and the same event still hurts as if we were three or five. Until we are willing to live through our childhood traumas, we will constantly relive the pain.

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