My life does not look like that of most people. For a long time that has bothered me, because somehow most people have a hard time categorizing me and apparently that bothers them enough to be uncomfortable around me. It bothered me because I just really wanted to be liked. So I tried to make people feel comfortable by playing small, consciously or unconsciously.
We all do it, playing small to fit in, trying to be more alike to be more easily liked. I can tell you that it doesn’t work. It is my experience that people won’t be fooled, they will simply notice the incongruency and feel uncomfortable anyway. The only thing we can do is be ourselves, completely and unapologetically ourselves. Because as Dr Seuss said: “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. And that really is all there is to it.
So, my life does not look like that of most people. Big deal! How could it? The moment I chose not to kill myself, the moment I chose to live, the moment I chose to become as happy has humanly possible I chose to take the road less traveled. And here I am, on a road less traveled. It kind of makes sense. For the longest time, It felt as if I was walking that road alone, and now I see there are plenty of cool people here. And guess what, their life doesn’t look like that of most people either!
For as long as I can remember I craved connection. Now I am connected, to me. And apparently, that is enough. I love people, I do, more than I ever thought was possible, and I feel our connection, but I don’t necessarily need to play with anyone that crosses my path anymore. And I really do not need to make them feel comfortable. Connected, yes. Perfect as they are, yes. Comfortable, no. Don’t get me wrong I don’t feel that I am any better, because I am not, but I do feel that it is okay to be different. I finally have accepted that I am different. My story, my interests, my likes and dislikes, they are not average. I am no longer interested in fitting in. And I no longer fear being different. All I am interested in is being me, unapologetically me.
I will not be everybody’s cup of tea. And that is okay. It doesn’t feel comfortable yet, but I don’t need you to like me, and I don’t need you to make me feel special, because I like myself, or even better I love myself as I am. And I know for a fact that I am special. And that you are too. I am just being me, unapologetically me, and I invite you to be you, unapologetically you. And if you like me and I like you, than that is a bonus, a perfect compliment to an already perfect life.
image by Darren Deans