Smokey Mirror

I believe everything is made of energy. Through this energy we are all interconnected. You are part of me and I am part of you. For this reason, I am responsible for the energy I emit. I can choose for it to be poisonous or healing, to be angry or loving. I can choose to give or take, to fuel or drain you.  

I believe my energy can be bright, my presence a loving awareness, my intentions pure like the Light that is within all of us. I believe I am a Light, meant to shine like a beacon. And so are you. So are you!

Being open to change is all about honesty. I need to be completely honest with myself in order to know who I really am. Honesty comes at a price, though. The price is pain. Then, why bother and submit myself to continuous self-examination? Why make life complicated?

I have learned that however painful uncovering the truth may be, it is less painful than hiding that same truth. Hiding doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Deep inside, I knew I was not being completely open, and I was constantly trying to cover up. Ever tried to keep a beach ball under water? All it wants is to surface. Keeping the truth about my life under the surface took most of my energy, and finally wore me out.
I have learned that when I have the courage to see life as it is, not as I would want it to be, I’m rewarded with a deep sense of peace, as if a weight is lifted from my heart. The reward outweighs the pain always. And with every lie I uncover, my sense of self increases and the pain lessens. Where I once was unhappy, I now feel at ease with myself. I am proud to be me. All the energy I freed up, I can spend freely now. I am happy and healthy. My life has never been better, and I know the best is yet to come. 

So ask yourself in all honesty, what does your beach ball look like? 

I have been depressed for years. Being depressed, I did not feel like doing anything, and the less I did the less I felt capable of doing. There were days when coming out of bed was daunting, going to the store to buy food would equal climbing Mount Everest. Until I recognized how doing little or nothing had reinforced the state I was in. To get better, I had to do things.
So the years that followed, I was mainly being busy not to do nothing. Most days, I was continuously doing things from the time I got up to the time I went to sleep. On other days, being tired of being so busy, I mindlessly sat in front of the TV or read some boring book. Until I recognized how being busy to be busy left me numb. To feel fulfilled, I had to do things that are important to me.
So these days, next to doing things that just need to be done, I do a little nothing everyday and ideally spend the rest of my time on things that matter to me. It is not easy, sometimes even daunting not to turn on the TV, but I have learned that, even when feeling tired, giving energy to things that fuel me gives me more energy. I don’t know how, but the energy I invest comes back to me morefold. I can honestly say I have never felt so good in my life.