Smokey Mirror

Whenever I start something new, the first thing I do is read. These last weeks, working on a concept for a business, I read a lot of management bestsellers, including Good to Great by Jim Collins. In this book I found a proven model for creating a business, called the Hedgehog Concept. It is inspired by the tale of the hedgehog and the fox, in which the fox attempts daily to catch the hedgehog, and the hedgehog continuously out smartens him doing what he does best in the world, rolling up to an invincible ball of spikes. The Hedgehog Concept consists of three circles that interlink in the middle. Each circle represents an essential ingredient to your success. What you are passionate about. What you could potentially do best in the world. And your economic denominator. Where these key ingredients meet lies your unique greatness.

So there I was trying to fit my ideas into this model, and it simply did not work. It was clear this malfunction had nothing to do with the model and everything with my preconceived ideas about what I wanted to do for a living. Yet, I was not willing to let them go. So, I asked my husband, ‘What would you say I’m passionate about?’ It was a difficult question, as I love so many things. A day later, he reported back, ‘Creation, design’. That same day, I had been chewing on a similar question, ’What makes me really happy?’ Colors, flowers, creating, were my answers. Ok, you might say, great! One down, two to go. Well, actually it was two down, one to go, as I automatically knew what I could potentially be best in the world at. But I was feeling everything but great. I felt downright horrible. There was so much resistance inside of me. How could painting flowers make the world a better place, how would it help people in need?  How does it give meaning? And on a more mundane level, how would I ever make a living? I would be playing around, not working. I could not wrap my mind around these apparent dualities. Yet, this yearning to create is not new, it has been there forever, always pushed aside by more egodriven desires, like having a ‘real’ career, the need to fit in and to have a meaningful life.  

Late this afternoon, quietude returned to my life as I saw the Light. I believe there is a purpose to every life, finding it gives meaning not only to the evolution of a single soul but to the evolution of our species. You can find clues throughout your life, in your talents and preferences, in the people you meet and the situations you encounter. I can all to easily imagine that it’s easy to be blind sided by all that seems important. What if I’ve been actually blind sided by my upbringing, my education and this society’s idea of success. What if I’m supposed to be a creator in this lifetime, would that alone not give my life the meaning I’m looking for? A few months ago, I was captured by a line I heard James Ray say which has been something of mantra since, ‘Anytime you damn any part of creation, you dam the flow of good in God to you.’ I am blessed with an abundance of creative talents which I have ignored for most of my life. Now may just be the perfect time to learn from a hedgehog how to live my heart’s desire and find personal greatness.

I have never seen life as clear as I do now. I’m on a new level. This a new ball game and there’s no going back. On arrival, I have had to change my outlook on life. I am changing my thoughts, my behaviors and my dreams accordingly. For the first time in my life, I’m taking action on what I already believe to be true. I have faith I will produce the results I set out to produce.

As a result my life is changing. Working toward my goals, I’m casting off anything that doesn’t serve my progress. I love blogging, but it took up too much time. Time I’m not willing to spend on it anymore. So I’m wondering how I can use my blog in a time-effective way to help me reach my goals and inspire anyone who reads it . I’m working on it…

For the new year, I wish you will receive what you’re asking for and find what you’re looking for. May you be blessed beyond belief.

Only one day old, these little feet were ready to go. Designed to walk you through life, they’ll take you to your destiny if you let them. 

Who am I meant to be? This question I have asked myself for years. I was sincere in my quest, but had not yet evolved to the point where I could recognize the answer. Now for the first time in my life, I believe I can. It was there all along, but I was not ready to find it. I did not know my own potential, nor did I have the security to take on the challenge ahead of me. Now I do.
Now is my time. I have no clue how to bring my dream to life, but I know I will. I don’t know what it will take, but I know I am willing to make this happen. I don’t know what life has in store for me, but I know it will be revealed to me as long as I keep asking the right questions.

Have you ever experienced all the pieces falling into place? To me, it’s what I live for. Feeling my perception shift. Knowing I’m about to take a quantum leap. Knowing the world will be different when I get to the next level. There is a sense of anticipation. I do not know what to expect, but I know my life will change in ways I cannot  begin to imagine. I’ve learned it will be a change for the better.
It always starts with feelings of restlessness, like I’m out of sync with me. Things are changing and I cannot yet pinpoint how. I start noticing things I never noticed before, sensing connections I do not yet understand and finally it all comes together.
This is my lifelong quest: hunting for answers I do not yet understand to obtain a goal I cannot yet imagine. It’s about finding my holy grail. I have to prove myself worthy of finding it. I have to grow physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually before it will be revealed to me. More than anything I believe that when I seek, I will find.

Today, I turned 35. I feel a deep gratitude for each breath I take. I feel blessed beyond measure for reaching this age. I’m still here, still healthy. So many people cannot repeat these words after me. They have either been infected with HIV or have died of AIDS already. Entire generations wiped out. Babies and young children dying of AIDS alone, because they have no parents to take care of them. Hospitals filled with people who do not get the proper treatment, because there is no money. While we live our lives comfortably, pretending everything is OK, people are dying on our watch. Take a moment to realize your blessings and be inspi(red) to act. Embrace the world and give life!

Several years ago, I wrote a mission statement for my life. When I look at it now, it is clear I didn’t understand exactly how to write it; how powerful language is. But most of all I didn’t ask myself how I could make it true. I didn’t make a plan to make it work. I didn’t understand a mission statement is a sort of living will, it not only ensures that I am aware of what I want in life, it provides a plan to act on. These last weeks, I’ve been thinking about creating version 2.0., but I didn’t know exactly how to handle it. This week, while reading David Allen’s Getting Things Done, I learned exactly how to make it happen. All I needed were the right questions to ask myself and some knowledge on how I process information. Read the rest of this entry »

 Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, – act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sand of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solenm main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I know christians as well as atheists who stick to their principles with ardour. They have taken a stand and will not budge. Not when there’s evidence pointing in the other direction, not when an inner voice whispers there might be an other side to their truth. It is their way or the highway.
I was one of them. I was afraid to see the evidence and to hear that inner voice, because I feared my life would collapse if the foundation was taken away.  It did, but under the remnants I discovered another foundation. I discovered me.
The real me doesn’t know for sure if there is a higher power, what it is like or if it affects my life. What I know is that I feel it’s presence in everything. Maybe, my mind is playing tricks on me. I don’t care. It may not be logical, but it makes sense to me to believe I am a spiritual being having a human experience, to believe I am part of something bigger, to believe the journey continues after this life. I may not believe everything that is written in the scriptures, but it makes sense to me that a higher power cannot be captured by human vocabulary. You may think I’m fooling myself. You may think I’m no true believer. Maybe.
I ask you to consider that your beliefs are … well… beliefs, that whatever you believe, you have chosen to believe. So, until this great Mystery is solved,  I choose to believe what makes sense to me. I listen to my heart and follow that inner voice …

Trying to live each day as if it were your last, seems awfully tiring to me. Frustrating too. I mean, if I had only one day left, I certainly wouldn’t bother cleaning my house or paying the bills. Yet in order to live a balanced life, be happy, it is also necessary to those things you don’t like.
Although, I refuse to see this day as my last day, I live my life as if death were around the corner. This means I’m aware of my mortality, but it also leaves room for the future. It gives me focus. I try to enjoy every moment to the fullest and be grateful for everything I experience, so I will have lived a full life. I try to keep the end in mind and make choices that reflect my values, so I will have done what matters to me. I try to do my best and learn from my mistakes, so I will have no regrets.
And if this were my last day…? I would organise a goodbye party to celebrate my life, to tell everyone in person how they enriched my life and how thankful I am for their presence in my life. While writing, I realise I don’t do that enough. I make the decision that from today on, I will tell the people in my life how appreciative I am of them on a regular basis, so that when I die suddenly everyone will know for sure I have loved them. 

Yesterday, I had a great day. I did some research for this website, took some photographs, read a book for a while and took my daughter for a walk in the sun. In addition, I folded the laundry, reorganized the bathroom, cooked, cleaned the kitchen, and took care of my nine month old girl, but I didn’t do enough. Or so I felt, because I didn’t clean the bathroom or clear the basement. As I said, I had a great day, except for those feelings of guilt, hanging over me like dark clouds. And somehow, they managed to cloud my whole day.
Why do my days have to be packed with activities I don’t like? Even as I am writing these words, I’m feeling the urge to add some things to make you believe I actually had a very busy day. Why am I afraid people might think I’m lazy? Why do I have such difficulty accepting that part of me would like nothing better than curl up in the corner of the couch and read a book all day or take my little girl for long strolls in the autumn sun.
My so called laziness allows me to engage in activities that are close to my heart, like painting, writing, singing, photographing and playing with my little girl. I should know better than to feel guilt when enjoying life. I guess laziness is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe the real question is why I see the activities I love as mere pastime, not real activities. So today, I’ll  be clearing the basement.  My inner basement.

‘Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run – in the long run, I say! – success will follow you precisely because you forgot to think about it.’

Viktor E. Frankl

Preface to the 1984 edition of Man’s search for meaning

Yesterday, while watching a conversation between Oprah and Gary Zukav, I finally grasped the true power of intention. I’ll try to recapture the essence of what they said.

Spirituality is about  fixing yourself.  Part of your spiritual growth is to understand that all your experiences are self-created. You have to accept that you are responsible for those parts of your life that are not working. You create your experiences by your intentions. How can your intentions create your experiences? An intention is the underlying motivation, conscious or unconscious, of every choice you make. Why do you want what you want? It is the first act of creation. Intentions can be based in fear or in love. This determines the outcome of what you create. Fear creates painful experiences (the ultimate fear is not being good enough), while love creates constructively. In order to grow, you have to heal those parts of your life that don’t work by becoming aware of  the intentions that created those painful experiences. Being aware of your emotions allows you to identify the parts of your personality that need to be fixed. You need to focus on the emotions you are experiencing when your buttons are pushed and work through them.

You need to be aware that every choice, however small and seemingly unimportant, has an underlying intention/motivation which determines the consequences. Your intention creates your reality. To create constructively, your intentions must be based in love. Therefore, you need to clairify your intentions before you make a choice. For you to create constructively, your intentions need to be based in love.  To live a life of meaning and purpose, you need to know the intention for your life, so you can align your choices accordingly. Ask yourself why you are on this earth, what is your dream for your life and what is your gift you want to give to the world?